So. I’ve been busy with PET scans and CAT scans and tests and moving houses and stressing out about cancer and this all culminated into one of those panic attacks where my chest hurt so much I thought I was literally having a heart attack and it was a very hard week. BUT…
I heard back from my oncology surgeon and he said that he had very good news because the scans showed that my organs were “grossly normal” and “unremarkable” which seems like a very insulting way to give good news, BUT I WILL FUCKING TAKE IT.
Of course, I immediately started worrying that these results must be someone else’s because I am often “gross” but almost never “normal” and also, shouldn’t the scans have picked up the cancer in my stomach that we know is there? But the doctor said he wouldn’t have expected those tumors to show up on the scans because they are so small and slow-moving (which my neuroendocrine tumors are) and so helps this confirms that they are tiny and lazy and the tests were really there to just rule out that anything is large or growing. CAN I GET A HELL YEAH? Of course, I guess this also means that I could be teeming with teensy, lazy tumors hiding all over the rest of my body but my doctor was like, “OMG, you’re overthinking it, crazy. Celebrate the win.”
Then he mentioned that my scans did show some spinal deformities (probably from my rheumatoid arthritis) and that weirdly made feel better because having too much medical good news was so out-of-character that I was starting to suspect I was in some kind of coma because I was sure they’d at least find a silent twin or some sort of sentient growth.
So the tl:dr is that I’ll have to do endoscopies and biopsies every 4-6 months for the rest of my life to make sure the cancer in my stomach is staying as lazy as the rest of me, but aside from just fatigue and the crappiness of forever-testing, it (KNOCK ON ALL THE WOOD) may not bother me at all.
Aaaand in other good news (Is small, lazy cancer good news? I say so)…I’m 75% done unpacking, the cats are semi-adjusting to the new house, and my editor sent me a letter that she loved the draft my next book. ALL THE WHOOPS!
As proof of life, here is a picture of me unpacking 80 billion books. In my next life I’m going to collect less heavy things, like bags of farts, or scarfs made of cat fur.
Now I’m off to work on book edits. Wish me luck.
PS. Sorry this one isn’t very funny but I’ve had a lot on my plate. I promise I have funny stuff coming once I get past this next deadline.
PPS. I haven’t unpacked the giant hooded cat bed that Hunter S. Thomcat hides in when he’s freaked out so I got another one but I accidentally ordered one that is way too small for him to fit into and so instead he just puts it on his head and slinks around like a very strange turtle…
Last night I was trying to figure out who reminded me of and finally I was like, “OH, FUCKING MOZART!” and then Victor looked at me strangely because without context I guess it sounded like I was just really mad at Mozart and so I explained, “That’s who the cat reminds me of.” And he still looked confused (probably because Hunter wasn’t wearing his bed hat because he wanted me to seem even crazier than normal) and this is exactly why we’re going to re-watch Amadeus tonight.
